Waluigi's Random Adventures of Flailing
by UltimateKawaiiGirl
Summary: A series of short stories about Waluigi's crazy antics, co-written with my friend who does not have a FanFiction account. WARNING: Makes no sense.
1. Waluigi's Trip to the Laundromat

**A/N: So my friend and I were looking at the fanfictions involving Waluigi, and we found that none of them portrayed him in the ridiculous, random, stupid way we do. That's when we decided to write this. If you like Waluigi as a developed character who speaks coherent sentences, don't read this. But if you like stories with almost no logic whatsoever, read on! ^_^**

Waluigi was a creepy, gangly elf-man who enjoyed shouting the first syllable of his name. Wario was a greedy, smelly pile of fat. Together, they were… -WAAAAAAAAAALUIGI! Because we're not going to focus on Wario. He's too gross.

* * *

**Waluigi's Trip to the Laundromat**

One day, Waluigi realized that the clothing he hadn't washed in five years might be dirty.

"WAA!" he said, throwing a vase across the room in anger. The vase shattered and countless garden gnomes holding lightbulbs inexplicably exploded out of it.

"Waait a minute. Waa can go to the LAAundromAAt!" Waluigi said.

He gathered up all of his overalls and put them into a large purple box covered in pieces of chewed gum molded into pelican shapes. Then he went to Wario's room.

Wario was chewing cud in despair in the corner of the room, after being called a librarian by an ant he found in the concrete jungle. Waluigi searched thoroughly for more clothing to take while playing an electric piano. Eventually he came across Wario's pink underwear collection of DOOM, which was beginning to smell from the tartar sauce Waluigi had spilled on it the previous Monday. Waluigi used a polka-dotted soup ladle to pick up the underwear and put it in the box.

Possessing enough clothing for his mission, he broke down the front door with a hypoallergenic cat and flailed outside.

A quaint old man walked by- "YOUR CLAOTHES AARE DIRTY!" Waluigi shouted, interrupting the narrator. He then stole the pants of the quaint old man, who was using a butterfly net to perform surgery.

The quaint old man shouted ancient curse words at Waluigi and rocketed into the air, never to be seen again. Waluigi remembered he was lazy, so he painstakingly crafted a bobcat statue out of macaroni and hopped on it. "YAAAAA!" he commanded, suddenly wearing a blanket-cape, and an upside-down pot on his head. The bobcat did nothing.

"Waa?!" Waluigi exclaimed, furious. "That's illogical!" He then started feeding the statue to a horde of zombie cows, who sang show tunes as they munched on the macaroni. Waluigi got angry when they began singing his least favorite song, so he flung himself into the air with a catapult. Waluigi landed, catapult still in hand, in the middle of the town square, where a cantaloupe festival was taking place. Dozens of old men from Waluigi's neighborhood stood around trading orphans. Waluigi threw the catapult at them because they weren't yodeling.

Unimpressed with how they all fell over when the giant wooden spoon hit them, Waluigi rolled a cheese wheel down the middle of the road and acted like a police car. He screamed "WAA-OO WAA-OO WAA-OO!" all the way to the laundromat.

Waluigi broke into the laundromat through its ceiling because the sign on the front door said "closed in bright red letters" in bright red letters.

Landing elegantly on the laundromat floor, he clipped through a dryer in sprite form and dried a piece of popcorn inside it.

Waluigi dressed up as a cosmetics salesman and attempted to sell his wares to a large tortoise who was watching paint dry.

"BUY WAA'S ROGUE ROUGE!" he screeched, wrapping pocky in a trenchcoat. The tortoise blinked at him and Waluigi painted its shell French. The tortoise exploded.

The laundry machine beckoned to him with a finger. Waluigi sashayed over to the machine.

He put some coins in the machine, and then stuffed all the clothes and a malamute puppy into the coin slot. Getting bored with waiting for the machine, he decided to read a magmazine. The one he chose was called "Frighteningly RED!" and was in the shape of a strawberry. He began to read, ignoring the fact that he was now on fire from the magma pouring out of the 'zine.

"WAAtch out for the smell of HAAirsprAAy!" Waluigi read. "It makes you EEEVAAAIL!"

"Ding!" said the blue whale, who was hiding behind the soap dispenser, completely out of sight. A quail popped out of the soap dispenser and ate the whale. Waluigi flailed in excitement, knowing this meant the clothing was done. He picked up the washing machine containing his clothes and was about to leave when he realized he was on fire.

"I'M ON FIYAAAAAA!" Waluigi vociferated, taking a leisurely sip of tree sap.

A wash in a washing machine was sounding pretty good right now to Waluigi the fireball.

He climbed inside his favorite washing machine and started it. The small space began to fill up with water and soap. Waluigi snorted in anticipation. Finally, it began to spin.

"WAYAAAAAAAYAAAAYAAAAAAAAYAAA AAA!" he shouted as he was whirled around, his long limbs flailing like wet noodles. "Don't try this AAT home, kids!"

Waluigi emerged out of the toilet in his house, still spinning profusely.

"AAI love my Tele-Poilet™!" said Waluigi, hoping to get some sponsorship. Waluigi stepped out of the toilet, and slipped on a radioactive yo-yo, making him land on the carpeted floor.

"HAAAAAALP! I've FAAAAALLEN, and AYE CAAAN'T GET AAHP!" WAAluigi called out, perfectly capABLE of getting up by reverse tripping on the dinghy boat laying next to him.

Wario peered out of the shower, wearing the shower curtain as a pinstripe suit, coming to Waluigi's rescue using a rubber sasquatch.

"Waa!" Waluigi thanked.

"Wah!" Wario replied, throwing Waluigi out of the kitchen, because he was still busy showering.

Looking to his right, Waluigi noticed his clothes laying in a compact cube shape. He picked up the garment-cube and played Super Smash Bros. Melee on it. Then he realized he wasn't in the game, so he threw the disc out the window, where it was promptly embarrassed by its parents.

Waluigi ripped the cube in half. He threw half of the clothes into Wario's room, and the other onto the ceiling.

Waluigi went back into Wario's room, because he'd forgotten his cup of tea.

"Waa!" he said, quoting a famous Shakespearian play while pouring tartar sauce into his tea. Unfortunately, he got distracted by the air in the room, and spilled the tartar sauce all over Wario's pink underwear collection of DOOM... again.

"WAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!"


	2. Waluigi and the Ice Cream Jalopy

** Waluigi and the Ice Cream Jalopy**

One day, Waluigi was bathing in fake butterflies when he heard music. "AYCE CREAAAAAM!"

Yes, the ice cream jalopy was on its way! Waluigi flailed about the house, dusting the furniture for money.

"WAA NEEDS AYCE CREAM MONEEEEY!" he screamed.

Wario nonchalantly stuck all the money they had up his nose. "You loser, we have no money!" he told his gangly counterpart.

Waluigi gasped like a fish. "NAAAWWWWW!" He threw his hands in the air in exasperation.

Wario caught the thrown hands and forced Waluigi to do a polka dance, which gave Waluigi an idea! He had to earn ice cream money somehow… and selling burnt cheese was the only way to go! Waluigi can-canned into the kitchen. A tornado wearing a top hat was tearing through the room. Waluigi scolded it and told it to leave, but instead, the classy twister started using the mixer to concoct something.

"WAA!" Waluigi shouted, using a potato as a straw, but the tornado ignored him. When the tornado was finished, it clipped its toenails in Waluigi's sink before promptly being confiscated by a rabid onion.

In its place was a large pot of questionable soup. Waluigi took a bite of the pot.

"It's PAAArfect!" he exclaimed. So it was settled! He'd have a questionable soup stand in the yard.

He poured the soup into a cash register, grabbed a soup bowl for the money, and rode a pair of fluffy dice out the door. Wario was practicing learning in the backyard.

"You're ruining my SAAALES pitch!" Waluigi said, shooing him away using a candelabra.

"WAAHHHHH!" Wario said, digging himself a grave. Then he went inside a house.

Waluigi began crafting his stand, but he had nothing to build with! A purple sofa walked by. Waluigi ensnared it with a rope ladder and sat on it.

"Hmmm…" he said. "AAAI KNOW!" He took a string of paper clips out of his ear and used a frisky tadpole to construct them into a stand.

Waluigi sat back, twiddling his toes, waiting for an old man to come by. Old men loved questionable soup!

But then he remembered… there were no old men living in his neighborhood!

"AOOOH NAOOO!" he yelled, nibbling on a CD in fear.

Just next door, a neighbor realized his front door had been left open. Distressed, he charged full speed at Waluigi's soup stand, leaving Wario alone in his house.

"My first customer!" Waluigi said, being swarmed by bees who were angry about welcoming doormats. "WAAlcome to WAAALUIGI's WAAnderful questionable soup stAAnd!"

The neighbor curtsied and gave Waluigi a handful of chalk marbles, which he had saved for all his life. Waluigi poured some questionable soup into the neighbor's pocket. The neighbor talked like a fried egg until he was run over by a limousine.

Waluigi beamed, but fell off the beam, as it was not properly held by the dimetrodon that was supposed to be securing it.

"WAA!" Waluigi yelled. He threw some soup at the dimetrodon's face and demanded payment.

"Credit or debit?" the dimetrodon asked.

"BAAOOTH!" Waluigi said. The dimetrodon competed in a triathlon to earn a waffling iron to pay Waluigi with.

Waluigi could hear the music of the ice cream jalopy emanating from the penguin tied to its wheel. He jumped up, knocking over the stand, and fried his hat in the waffling iron. Flailing across the street, he screamed "AAI WANT AYCE CREEEAAAM!"

A plethora of lobsters pitching tents were attempting to block Waluigi's path to the ice cream jalopy, but they didn't count on Waluigi being taller than they were.

Using every ounce of strength he had, Waluigi tripped over the tents and landed on a cat wearing rollerblades, which took Waluigi for a ride as it skated down a mountain of other cats wearing rollerblades.

"CONUNDRUMVALIDATIONS!" he explained, waving his autopsy report in the cat's face.

"Ah, I see!" said the cat, thoroughly enlightened.

They picked up speed as they began to gain on the ice cream jalopy.

Just up ahead, a Lilliputian was using a toothpick to chop down Christmas trees wearing headphones.

One of the trees fell to the ground, creating a ramp to jump over the looming cookie crumb, which was left there by an irresponsible refrigerator. Waluigi read the sports section of the newspaper, causing them to fly into the air. Unfortunately, Waluigi dropped the speed into a bucket, causing a volcanic eruption at the local supermarket.

While in the air, Waluigi could see the ice cream jalopy up ahead, eating inside a fancy restaurant that served fragmentation grenades as a kid's meal.

"AAI'VE GOT YOU NAAOW!" Waluigi shouted, reassuring himself of his impending victory while making a garbage disposal out of tissue paper.

Waluigi could barely make out the name of the restaurant from the air. He used his kaleidoscope to look closer, and found that it was called Poodle's Day Out. He entered the restaurant, but was promptly thrown out by an empty modern art container because he wasn't charming enough.

Waluigi had to become charming, and FAST! The only way he could think of was to untie his shoelaces. But that wasn't enough! To be charming enough for Poodle's Day Out, he'd have to dress up as a fish dumpling as well! Waluigi barged in by calling for an enormous three-eyed spider named Francis to erode the door with milk.

"AAI WANT AYCE CREAM!" Waluigi shouted, being run over by the ice cream jalopy as it made its escape via the dumbwaiter. Waluigi was a sad pancake that the ice cream jalopy had left again.

Waluigi slithered over to the nearest multidimensional transporter and entered it to get home.

He fell out of the indignant tree that was perched atop his mailbox.

"Wah!" Wario greeted. He was holding an ice cream cone with eighty-seven flavors of ice cream on top. Waluigi recognized battery acid, paper towel, felt, Scotch tape- all his favorites!

Waluigi heard the roar of the ice cream jalopy coming from somewhere nearby! He jumped with joy… and Reginald. The two of them sadly informed him that the ice cream jalopy had gone bankrupt and no longer had ice cream.

Waluigi stared up in disbelief at the ice cream jalopy sticking out of his chimney.

"WAAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAA!"


End file.
